Ghosts of Horatio Alger

(Gentleman Jack is a good friend who has been having a rough go of his job search and general direction in life. These are his, at times, brilliant, eccentric and esoteric musings. These are The Loxley Files. Hopefully you’ll learn something – or at least have a good laugh.)

So I’m finally writing something. Well, sort of. I had an idea for a book shortly before Christmas, on the plane back from Panama. I jotted down some ideas, mentioned it to some friends, and then let it sit for a while.

To be fair, I did have a lot going on. First Christmas. Then there was New Years. Then I just didn’t do anything for a while. Then I almost got sent to support relief stuff for Haiti (still might – no word just yet). Then I was out of town for a few days; which included, among other things, skiing and possibly a mild concussion, though definitely a nasty scrape above my right eye. They weren’t sure about the concussion – probably because by the time the doctor actually saw me it was 4 hours later; but I digress (what do you want? I recently suffered a head injury).

After sitting around and doing nothing very productive on the computer for a while today, I decided I’d get to work on the book. I don’t want to give too much away, but it’s something of a Billy Mumphrey story.

Anyway, now that we’re down here in paragraph four, I think I’ll get to what this post is all about. As a “writer” (I use quotes there because no one pays me, and as I’ve already mentioned I don’t really write that often) I read a lot to gain ideas and information that could be useful in my own writing. But of course, it is easy to fall into the trap where you’ve just got to read this one thing first, then, as soon as you’re done, you’ll totally get down to work on that thing you were going to write. It’s basically just standard procrastination with the twist that you can trick yourself by saying it is theoretically productive.(ed note: I live my life like this! -zs)

Luckily, I have found the perfect formula for overcoming this type of procrastination: read boring books. Recently I finished Thomas Pynchon’s Gravity’s Rainbow. I think it can be best summed up by the following quote on wikipedia:

In 1974, the three-member Pulitzer Prize jury on fiction supportedGravity’s Rainbowfor the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction. However, the other eleven members of the board overturned this decision, branding the book “unreadable, turgid, overwritten and obscene.”

I’m not ready to say I hated it (though I may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome after spending 776 pages with it). But I will say I think a lot of the people who like it are suffering from an “emperor’s new clothes” phenomenon. Maybe I’m just a little slow, or wasn’t paying enough attention, but I have no idea what that book was about. Most of the time it seemed to trip and fall way over the surreal and digressive line into little more than disconnected nonsense.

So anyway, I slogged through that. Then, I knocked out Tracy Morgan’s I Am the New Blackin an afternoon (you really should click that link). It was funny, but what is most striking is his honesty and openness about his life. But as I said that only took an afternoon.

Now I’m on to a book called Oil and the World Order by Svante Karlsson. I borrowed it from a friend several years ago. He got it for a class in college. He made a point of how much he wanted it back because it was going for over $100 used on Amazon. Natually, I’ve kept it ever since. I checked once and found a used copy going for only a couple dollars. At this point I’m pretty confident the price is dictated more by supply than quality. It’s not bad, it’s just really boring. If you’ve read The Prize, which is vastly superior in prose and depth, this book won’t do much for you. Also, I don’t know if it is the author himself, or if perhaps the book was written in another language and translated; but whoever is responsible for the English has a fairly shaky handle on American idioms. For example he constantly refers to the American government (though not specifically to the President or his staff) as “the administration.” That’s just annoying.

On the upside, this book is just under 300 pages, as opposed to Pynchon’s 776. But still, at the moment, the choice between reading and writing is pretty easy.

So now that I’ve said I’m working on a book, hopefully I’ll be shamed into activity. I don’t know what kind of readership I’m getting, but at the very least everyone down at Ghosts of Horatio Alger will be egging me on (ed note: yeah, it’s just me. So, not a lot of help there. -zs). So that’s the end of the post; and no, I am not going to address the fact that writing blog posts instead of a book is an equally unproductive form of procrastination.

(Gentleman Jack is a good friend who has been having a rough go of his job search and general direction in life. These are his, at times, brilliant, eccentric and esoteric musings. These are The Loxley Files. Hopefully you’ll learn something – or at least have a good laugh.)

Currently raining should cease shortly STOP Recording of my personal theme song currently delayed but will be finished late today or tomorrow STOP Ate a sandwich earlier called El Dirty Harry STOP Extensive boating yesterday proved highly enjoyable

(Gentleman Jack is a good friend who has been having a rough go of his job search and general direction in life. These are his, at times, brilliant, eccentric and esoteric musings. These are The Loxley Files. Hopefully you’ll learn something – or at least have a good laugh.)

Awaiting breakfast again STOP Bachelor party 2 days ago regular party last night very crazy STOP Talked to one person who described Panama as “a happy place” description is apt STOP Considering not leaving at end of trip instead seeking sanctuary in Apostolic Nunciature

(Gentleman Jack is a good friend who has been having a rough go of his job search and general direction in life. These are his, at times, brilliant, eccentric and esoteric musings. These are The Loxley Files. Hopefully you’ll learn something – or at least have a good laugh.)

Panama is sweet STOP Awaiting my breakfast STOP Slept inside a home theater last night STOP Presently looking at ships waiting to enter the canal on the Pacific side STOP Pictures to follow

(Gentleman Jack is a good friend who has been having a rough go of his job search and general direction in life. These are his, at times, brilliant, eccentric and esoteric musings. These are The Loxley Files. Hopefully you’ll learn something – or at least have a good laugh.)

Well, you haven’t heard from old Gentleman Jack in a little while. I’ve been busy lately. Yes too busy for you. So I should probably catch you up on what’s been occupying my time, old friend.

First and foremost, I’ve been studying for the GRE. It’s pretty lame, and often infuriating. As the Princeton Review will tell you, the only thing the GRE tests is your ability to take the GRE. If you’re a guy like me – and I am – this sort of jumping through hoops usually leads to a lot of door slamming and issuing threats to no one in particular. But of course yelling at the TV won’t get me in to grad school (at least as far as I know; I should see how Harvard weights yelling at appliances). So I work on it, sometimes I make great strides, sometimes it seems I’m moving backwards. Of course being a writer of the mercurial, scotch-soaked variety, it’s quite an emotional rollercoaster, which is not good for writing. At least not in an immediate sense. One day I’ll be able to look back on this and write some lengthy tome about adversity and futility and one man’s search for love; set, naturally, in post-WWI France. It will follow young American Rick Wordsmith, the deeply flawed protagonist and veteran of the Western Front, who together with Aussie ex-pat Wallaby Ford, will drink his way from Paris to pre-Facist Barcelona, where he will meet Ana Maria, the beautiful, illegitimate daughter of a Spanish nobleman and gypsy woman. The two will fall deeply in love… and I’m not sure where it will go from there, but Wordsmith will probably end up screwed over in the love department [Ed.'s note: And Wallaby, poor sweet Wallaby, almost certainly dies of syphilis].

By the way it’s quarter to 4 in the morning. I feel that is important by way of explanation. I slept till 1 PM and naturally am not quite ready for bed yet. I didn’t want to sleep that late. I even set my alarm. I remember it going off, I was aiming for snooze. Apparently I missed. Of course with the caliber I was using it didn’t make much difference where I thit it. Just kidding, I didn’t shoot my alarm clock. I don’t have that kind of money.

Even Gandolf the Gray had bills to pay

What else has been going on? Oh, a lot of intrigue with women. Most of it happened to me without much instigation, or even interest, on my part. Just people trying to make things more interesting, I guess. Sort of like reality TV: people creating and then putting up with fake problems to try to create some kind of meaningful situation. If they want to find meaning they should go on a bender in post-WWI France. Still you can’t let that kind of thing slow you down.

What else was I going to catch you up on? I chopped some onions yesterday and my hands still smell a little. Hoping that abates. I wrote a sketch that people liked, it’s been a while since that’s happened, so I enjoyed it. There was something else I was going to talk about. Oh yeah, the conclusion. I guess what I’ve learned from all this is persistence. If you get knocked down, you have to pick yourself back up and keep on lunging headfirst at that brick wall, eventually something’s gotta give. It’s like all that copy Walt Whitman wrote for Levi’s … or the wise words spoken by a young Adam Sandler: “you don’t look for an hour and call it quits. You get your ass out there, and you find that fucking dog!” And maybe, just maybe, that’s what the GREs are really all about.*

Until Next Time,

Gentleman Jack

*[author’s note: that is not what the GREs are really all about]

(Gentleman Jack is a good friend who has been having a rough go of his job search and general direction in life. These are his, at times, brilliant, eccentric and esoteric musings. These are The Loxley Files. Hopefully you’ll learn something -or at least have a good laugh.)

First off, you’ll need a computer! A lot of people might think you need a topic first, but that’s stupid. You’ll probably forget the topic by the time you buy a computer and get the internet hooked up [Ed's Note: Especially if you have Comcast].

Second, you’ll need a topic! Topics are important to writing because otherwise you end up with a blog post like this one. If you know what you are writing about before you start, you can take advantage of a literary device known as staying on topic. This makes it much easier for your readers to make sense of your too personal information, racist diatribe, or not-as-insightful-as-you-think sports commentary.

Third, now that you have your computer and your topic, you’re ready to write! So just open the flood gates, whatever thoughts you have on your topic, let them all out. If you feel really strongly about your topic, you may want to sit and stew for a while before you write. Here’s a trick: while you’re getting yourself worked up keep a pen and paper handy. That way if you think of any really snarky lines, or good hyperbole, you will have them when you start writing. A lot of people tend to over think this whole part, because they’re trying to sounds smart. Just write what you think, even if you have conflicting ideas, because after all if anyone reads it at all, it will only be people looking to agree with you.

Links to irrelevant historical events make you seem intelligent and insightful

Fourth, harness the power of the internet with links! Whatever your topic (especially pornography) it has probably been covered ad nauseam on the internet. You can insert links into your post, so if people don’t understand what you are referring to, they can look it up themselves. This is particularly effective when bringing up out date topics to rant about, as I did in my own post last week, critiquing a six month old article. It is also a convenient way to show your readers how smart you are. After all, you’re the writer, they’re just a bunch of nobodies. So show them who’s boss by dazzling them with casual references to the Battle of Hohenfriedberg or the second law of thermodynamics. Don’t worry if the reader doesn’t understand your link, or can’t find the relevant information on the page; that’s their problem. As you can see from my examples, Wikipedia is a great source for random information, but be careful! You don’t want to over use one reference source, especially when you have the whole World Wide Web at your fingertips. Besides the stranger the topic, the more likely some kook dedicated a whole website to it. One thing is for sure: the more links you can fit in, the better.

Remember, Uncle Sam's reading, too!

Fifth step: finding your voice! You’re probably asking, “Wait a minute, shouldn’t I do this before I write something?” The answer is no, and please stop interrupting. Finding your voice is a process. Over time, the more you write, the more you will develop your own unique way of writing, making it that much easier for the federal government to track what you do online. So keep on writing. Maybe you’ll want to try writing at different times of day; some people do their best writing late at night, while others like to start fresh after a good nights sleep. Maybe you’ll work on a single post over time and revise. Maybe you’ll write all at once and be done with it. Maybe you can throw alcohol into the mix and see where that gets you; hey, you’re not driving. The point is, do what works for you and keep working on it.

Sixth, post it online! I don’t actually have my own blog, so I don’t know how to do this. I just send them to my friend who is too lazy to come up with his own content, and he posts it for me. Maybe you can find a friend and do the same; maybe you can even send your stuff here, I imagine his e-mail address is on there somewhere (I’m not really sure; I don’t read the blog myself).

Now you know how to write a blog post. So get out there bloggers and start writing! Universal healthcare won’t defeat itself!

Good Luck,

Gentleman Jack

(Gentleman Jack is a good friend who has been having a rough go of his job search and general direction in life. These are his at times, brilliant, eccentric and esoteric musings. These are The Loxley Files. Hopefully you’ll learn something.)

Yes, I decided to refer to my latest missive as a “communiqué.” Why did I make this choice? Well, I can’t remember what initially brought the word to mind – probably something to do with Qaddaffi at the UN. As soon as I thought of the word I was reminded of Paul Fussell’s 1983 classic Class: A Guide Through the American Status System. In this hilarious and thoroughly insightful book, Fussell identifies various social castes by the class anxiety and insecurity that motivates everything from their consumption habits to vocabulary. He points to the insecurity of terrorist groups (remember this is 1983, so think more Red Army Faction than al Qaeda) for always issuing “communiqués.” Though other terms would be equally descriptive, communiqué has that learned, official ring to it that lends an air of the legitimacy these groups so desperately crave.

Unfortunately, the free association did not stop there. As soon as I thought of Class, I was reminded of  “Class Dismissed” by Sandra Tsing Loh in the March 2009 issue of Atlantic Monthly. I wanted to write in then but I was in Afghanistan at the time, searching for Taliban gold and generally doing my best to chastise the tribesmen leaving me very little time to for letters to the editor. (That’s actually not what I was doing at all, I’ll say I was a non-combatant and nothing else, as making up new lies whenever it comes up will be good leitmotif for my posts).

Tsing Loh’s article centers on Fussell’s concept of Xs, people who do not concern themselves with what class they fall into; who, being liberated from class anxieties are thus liberated from the class system entirely. These types are generally of the creative class, bohemians if you like, who are primarily concerned with intellectual stimulation and things that excite their interest. Unfortunately, Tsing Loh’s treatment illustrates an acute misunderstanding of the concept. She argues that because people in creative and independent professions have accumulated a great deal of wealth over the last 10 or 15 years, they have become victims of the anxieties of their own bohemian class.

The wrong turn she makes, sending her the wrong way down a one way street, is that she does not identify Xs by their ideas and actions. Tsing Loh seems to assign the term to anyone with a “creative” job that allows them the flexibility to work from Starbucks and dress like shit [Ed Note: Hey, I do that!]. An X is not an X because of their job; in fact I could not think of a more un-X definition. An X is an X because they feel the need to express themselves, and not for validation, but simply for the sake of self-expression. What’s more, they do so with little regard for compensation or the reaction (good or bad) of others. The people she identifies as fallen Xs are not Xs at all. Instead of being people who eschew societal conventions in favor of their own individual ideas, they’re just a bunch of people who take casual Friday too far. Just as Industrial Age white collar workers wore neck ties to demonstrate they did not work with machinery (which could suck in the tie and decapitate them), these false Xs wear jeans and don’t shave most of the week to demonstrate that they’re important enough not to have to dress a certain way, and want the validation they get from making sure you know it. These people are not Xs, they never were.

So who are these people, gentle reader? They’re just the same old anxious middle class they work so hard not to be. They’ve traded in their plastic fantastic Madison Avenue scene for green products they are completely committed to for as long as it remains convenient. But they’re still out there striving to be fit in, keep up, out do and to be perceived as anything but what they are. So in the future, instead of working to be perceived as better, just be better; and instead worrying about what class you’re in, worry about whether I’ll lighten up next week.

[Author’s post-script: I would have enjoyed quoting directly from the book, particularly in regard to communiqués, not to mention Xs. Unfortunately my copy is locked in a storage unit – the key to which is lost. Not to worry, I’m in talks with the family mechanic to borrow some bolt cutters, but I think it would be well worth it for the reader to pick up their own copy of Class.]

-Gentleman Jack

(A good friend of mine, whom we’ll call Gentleman Jack, has been having a rough go of his job search and general direction in life. Our – usually late night – correspondence has developed and matured into a ranting and rambling nature, touching on topics such as Alexa Chung, The Devil Wears Prada, Health Care, Afghanistan, Media and Bored To Death. So, I decided to post some of his, at times, brilliant, eccentric and esoteric musings. Maybe you’ll learn something.  Enjoy: The Loxley Files)

So I have this strange obsession with South Africa. I don’t know why. It started when I read Winston Churchill’s partial autobiography My Early Life. I think what I need to do is get someone to stake me to go over and either film or write or something about his escape from a Boer prison camp in Pretoria. Basically just hang out check out that stuff, hang out some more. You know another one of those paid vacation schemes.

I’m listening to East Coast Radio (Durban’s No. 1) on the internet. They’re playing goofy goofy 80s stuff, they just played that one that’s like “he’s my Japanese boy” or whatever. It was in Grand Theft Auto Vice City…anyway it’s great I’m hearing their bizarre accents. I love it way too much.

You know what else would be cool about going there. Rent a car and pop into Lesotho. It’s completely surrounded by South Africa. As far as I know, other than micro states like San Marino, that’s the only country like that. In fact, the only others I can think of at all are San Marino and the Vatican. Cause Monaco has the sea. Andorra and Lichtenstein are on borders. So you can get an extra stamp in your passport just for taking a shortcut! [Editor's Note: It's called an "enclave."]

I need to get my writing career on track so maybe like a year from now I can get this going. I’m sure I can make that kind of progress in a year.

-Gentleman Jack

(Lesotho Map image courtesy Geology.com)

I recently conducted a survey for a research project in which I sought to determine the demographics of Amazon Kindle Users. I found the results generally surprising, and I have drawn a number of conclusions based on these results. I will reserve my reactions in a later post and list, primarily, the data of what I found.

*A quick note on the actual method of this survey can be found after the results.

This survey found that 66% of respondents identified as female. As has been discussed a number of places, I too found that Kindle users skew older, with 69% over the age of 40.

Education

This survey found that Kindle users tend to have significant higher education. 72% of respondents had at least a 4 year college degree. Compiling that 72% were those with only a 4 year degree (35%), while 23% had a Masters Degree and 14% had a Doctoral or Professional (JD/MD) degree.

Income

The level of education, which has been found to correlate with income, did not show any significant variance. The income mode fell in the $100,000 – $150,000 range (14% of respondents), but was actually quite evenly distributed among the ranges.

Other demographic information that may be of use:

63% of respondents are Married

79% are white

46% live in the suburbs

20% live in the Mid West (and 17% in North East)

I also attempted to look at a few other factors I found interesting that may correlate with Kindle Usage. Among these I measured Computer usage, Internet usage, and print verse online newspaper use. I largely found the results interesting. Given the release of the large screen Kindle DX, I think it is important to look at the newspaper usage statistics more closely to gauge the potential this product does or does not have with a Kindle reading audience.

Computer/Internet Use

57% of respondents indicated that they spend 6 or more hours per day using a computer. 31% said the spend 3-5 hours per day on the computer. Comparatively, 35% spend 6 or more hours per day using the internet, while 42% indicated 3-5 hours per day. Those who suspect Kindle users are computer friendly and internet savvy could certainly point to these results as indications that they are on to something.

Newspaper Use

This study also found some differentiation in how Kindle users use newspapers. While 47% of respondents indicate they access online newspapers at least once per day, only 32% said they use a print newspaper once per day. 33% of respondents never use a print newspaper as oppose to 16% who never visit an online newspaper. 41% of respondents access blogs at least once per day, while 22% never use blogs.

I also measured how respondents used their Kindle. Was it for pleasure, work, or school? Did they largely access books or use the newspaper and blog functions as well? How many products have they purchased through their Kindle since purchasing the product? And what is their overall satisfaction with those products.

Finally I sought to determine which functions users liked and which functions needed improvement on the Kindle. I will post these findings in a separate post, as I do not want to overload each section and have the results get lost or confused.

*Measuring the demographics of a product that can only be purchased online is a tricky endeavor. You are very limited in a number of ways. Amazon has not released sales figures, so I decided to rely, mostly, on estimates from Citi Bank analyst Mark Mahaney to determine the population size. Because there is no physical location to visit and observe those who are purchasing the Kindle, I decided to scout out forums, blogs and social networks to find Kindle users. While there is no way to confirm that respondents were being honest in answering, I did limit the survey to accept only one submission per IP address to try to prevent the manipulation of the survey by a single or a few users.

The sample size of this survey was 442 respondents. The survey was left active for one week and I felt this number was sufficient to generate a simple random sample of a projected population of 500,000-700,000 Kindle users. If there are any lingering questions on the method of data collection please feel free to ask them in the commenting section or email me.

One project I have been working on recently is a study on the evolution of electronic books (e-books) leading up to Amazon’s Kindle Electronic Reading Device.  The study focuses on the Kindle as the most successful digital electronic book reader to date (an estimated 500,000 sold of version 1 – more than any single e-book reading device to date). This product represents the evolution of the e-book readers before it. The study will examine how the technology has evolved and where it may go in the future. To see where the product can go from here we have to understand who is using the product.  We need more information about who uses the Kindle.

To gauge who is using the Kindle and what these users like and dislike about the product I have created a survey. I do not want to divulge any more on my project, so as not to influence any potential respondents to the survey. If you are a Kindle user and would like to participate please click here to take survey.

I’ve done a lot of reading/research on the Kindle today. I’m uncomfortably interested in this product … which is driving me nuts since by very own Kindle is just sitting in my apartment building’s office in its box. Yup, that’s right. It’s just sitting there, not being experimented on, or read on, or being filled with lovely books and documents from various fields of study and interest.

I explicitly paid for expedited shipping so that I could have the Kindle by this weekend. I politely asked my landlord to sign for and place the box in my apartment – as I wouldn’t be home to receive it. And he kindly said he would. Except he didn’t. So now it’s sitting there. Until Monday. Alone and frightened. But enough complaining …

From my reading I came across some ideas and directions in which I can direct my research. From The Millions:

Looking at the Amazon option and the Google option, you can begin to see two separate, though not necessarily mutually exclusive paths that ebook evolution will follow. The Kindle path is one of verisimilitude with the printed page, a uni-tasker that wants to provide an experience as close to that of being a book as possible while using technology to improve upon the book by, for example, being lighter and letting you carry multiple titles in one small package.

This is probably the direction I will most likely point my survey. What are people looking for in an experience with a electronic book. Are they looking for “versimilitude with the printed page”? Are they simply looking for a digitized carbon copy of the experience they have always had? Or are do they not know what they want. Will it take a leap in an unexpected direction to move this technology forward?

Perhaps readers will adapt to the Kindle iPhone Application and we will find that readers really do not need a large book-like interface. They are content to continue with the micro-screened reading they have become accustomed to will phones, blackberries and (in the past) PDA’s. From John Siracusa’s revealing Arstechnica piece:

I honestly can’t remember the first e-book I read on its 160×160-pixel screen. Like I said, there was no blinding flash, no instant conversion. What happened instead is that I just put another e-book on it when I finished with the first. Because, again, what else was I going to do with it? (Yes, I know, it does other things!)
At a certain point, I realized I’d read my last five or six books on this thing. Without noticing, I’d gone off paper books entirely. Only then did I take the time to examine what had happened. Why was reading off of this tiny PDA not just tolerable, but (apparently) satisfying enough to keep me from returning to paper books.

Siracusa’s point, eventually, is the ” distinction between the device and the content.” That is, don’t necessarily look at the reader itself. That is simply a device. The content or eBook is what matters most. This is a product that has numerous advantages over the printed book (and yes, some deficiencies). The eBook is cheaper and easier to produce, replicate and store. It is quicker to aquire and, hopefully at some point, share. Speed, ease of use, and ubiquity are three very important qualities to the success of a product and the electronic book captures this.  I will end this post with another (extensive) quote from Siracusa:

If you remain unconvinced, here’s one final exercise, in the grand tradition of a particular family of Internet analogies. Take all of your arguments against the inevitability of e-books and substitute the word “horse” for “book” and the word “car” for “e-book.” Here are a few examples to whet your appetite for the (really) inevitable debate in the discussion section at the end of this article.

“Books will never go away.” True! Horses have not gone away either.

“Books have advantages over e-books that will never be overcome.” True! Horses can travel over rough terrain that no car can navigate. Paved roads don’t go everywhere, nor should they.

“Books provide sensory/sentimental/sensual experiences that e-books can’t match.” True! Cars just can’t match the experience of caring for and riding a horse: the smells, the textures, the sensations, the companionship with another living being.

Lather, rinse, repeat. Did you ride a horse to work today? I didn’t. I’m sure plenty of people swore they would never ride in or operate a “horseless carriage”—and they never did! And then they died.