As I’ve occasionally mentioned here I recently left my career as video producer to devote my time to various writing projects. I’m trying to put together a few small projects and one potentially large project that I intend to discuss here as they advance.
Of course, simply leaving a reasonably well-paying gig for unemployment with no immediate income and virtually zero savings is a huge risk, and in the realm of options that I faced, was probably ill-advised. But I sincerely felt that it was the best way to narrow my focus to the projects I really cared about and that it would inevitably increase my productivity.
See, I had a routine for the past year that included – when the schedule permitted – getting up at 6, hitting the coffee shop to write/read/work on personal projects, head to work for 10 or so hours, then return home for an hour two of reading or writing before bed. Considering I was working full time and pursuing a graduate degree at night, this was really the only viable option to get anything done. So I assumed, as I approached my decision to quit, that I would continue this routine while substituting work on these new projects for the 10 hours of producing work.
The problem is that less than two weeks into this adventure I haven’t really accomplished anything.
What I’ve found is that working for yourself requires a very intense degree of focus and determination. When you are accountable only to yourself, it becomes much harder to find motivation to get things done. I’m now sleeping later. I’ve watched more TV and movies in the past two weeks than I had in all of 2010. Sometimes, I just sit around and do nothing at all. I’ve read less and produced less writing than I did while working full time.
I’m aware of it now, and that is a good thing. Late last week, I became very discouraged with my situation. I was frustrated that I wasn’t able to motivate myself. But self-reflection has helped. As has the realization that I need to impose a structure for myself. I’ve never been a particularly short-term goal-oriented person. The big picture was enough to get me through whatever task was at hand. That has changed. I now set multiple goals per day, determining a reasonable amount of time each day to accomplish each goal. And so far it has helped.
Going forward I still have doubts and fears about how my situation will turn out. Don’t get me wrong, I have confidence in myself – especially in the knowledge that if these projects fail to receive the proper funding or produce the expected financial return I have experience and a Master’s degree to fall back on. But there is still the overwhelming threat that this is the one big shot I’ll have to put my life and career in the direction that I’ve always wanted. And if that cannot serve as motivation enough, if that cannot provide the accountability to myself that produces my best effort, then perhaps I never deserved the success I envisioned for myself anyway.
